Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Pretend Sunsets

I try to speak to you with silent signs
you act like you can’t hear my mind
you're driving me wild
wish I was a child again

I forget to breathe when I’m thinking about it
cause there’s still too much more to say
but I don’t have the words
I never do

I wrote a novel you can never read
so can I just leave now?
it’s too hard to see in the dark
It isn’t supposed to be like this

I never ever wanted to take a magic pill
kinda want to now
I could hide, couldn’t I?
it’s not like you could see me anyway

sometimes I forget you’re blind
colors don’t make sounds but you
are so good at pretending
you can see sunsets
turns out so am I

how am I still here after all this time?
I should have been long gone
convinced there’s a castle beyond that hill
but there’s no dragon in sight
wish there was

I act like I’m oblivious
and you believe me
and that’s the problem
isn’t it?

we both pretend we aren’t blind
and I act like I’m looking at you when you talk
so I’ve never told you I can’t see your face
any better than you can see mine

but I can read you like an open page
when you speak I can see your mind
and when you fall silent
I hear what you don't say

but you don’t know how I hate
pretend sunsets
you don’t know how I love you
in the darkness


Saturday, April 29, 2017

You Are the Ocean

You’re too incredible
to be something less
than yourself

It would be impossible to
suppress the sea
into one drop

You are so much more
than what can be
contained in a drop

You are the wild
beautiful ocean itself

Monday, April 17, 2017

Rising Up

This feeling deep inside is growing
It’s like rising up
Out of the deep
Out of the storm
Growing stronger
I am facing the waves
I will ride on the winds that have tried to destroy me
I am a warrior, and even if I fall down
I am rising up, even if I have to crawl
Even if I have to drag myself I will advance
Inch by inch until I start to run
I am afraid still but I know
That the storm is beginning to fear me
For I am becoming a storm

Thursday, March 30, 2017

In the Music

Late night and I stay up
the candle is burning low
I’ve been dreaming again
and I catch memories in the music
this song is carrying me back
to how I felt once

I had glimpses of something grand
maybe I lost them for a while
did they fly away on the notes
of the music I stopped listening to?
did they drift out to sea because
I looked away for a second?

It’s like this song brings it all back
and my head is filled with visions again
the music is whispering to me
I feel like a mystery is waking up

All the things I used to dream of
all the wildness I wanted to keep
and let it go in a splash of ink
and strum of a note
and stroke of a pencil

I am drifting back to that place,
to that time
when my eyes were filled with stardust
and I saw something ineffable in ordinary music
ordinary words
and ordinary sounds and smells
and everything made me feel
a way that I haven’t felt in a while

When I was looking and searching
and maybe I found something
wonderfully mysterious
and then let it fade like old ink
I am finding it again, this part of me I forgot

It is coming back
in the music
It’s speaking to me
in the candle’s flame
in the way the wind smells
and in the sound of the rain
I am glimpsing that mystery again

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

You are my Song

If I could, I would give you a summer breeze;
I’d give you sunlight,
to turn your eyes into jewels.
I would package the smell of fresh grass,
and give it to you with a note that says;
you are wilder than the song of the wind.

We hit the road and drive into the setting sun;
the rays set you aglow.
I play your favorite song for you,
over and over again, on my old guitar,
just to see you close your eyes and smile.
And I am taking notes;
you are more of a song than music itself.

We listen to the owls as the cool night falls,
and the stars come out just for you.
I do not wake you up,
when you fall asleep on my shoulder.
I hold you close,
listen to what your heartbeat sings;
lyrics only I understand.

You are so peaceful in your sleep,
for one so wild when awake.
You are a song,
more alive than freedom;
and you are my song.

This poem is about two of my characters. :)

Wanderer

Flames fought to reach the burning sky
As the wanderer watched
Reflections of hungry fire danced
On the water in the bottom of his pail

The scent of smoke carried him
Back to his childhood
The day his first home burned down
He looked up at the flames and saw it all again

The smoke was swirling, crying, “Run.”
Longing tasted like smoke, how was that?
The fire laughed and he closed his eyes
Let it burn, let it burn...

When he opened them the house was
Burned to the ground...
Smoking timbers,
Smoldering, crumbled walls
Now he was gray like the fog

He smiled and set the bucket down
The water sloshed over the sides and trickled
Into the dry and thirsty ground
He threw his coat over his shoulder

Walked into the desert without a backward glance
That house had never been his home
Fire couldn’t take a thing
From a wanderer like him

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Tiny Glimpse of Stardust

You were flying high
When you fell from the night expanse
We looked up to see the stars you came from
But the night sky was cloudy

Like tears, the stardust slowly trickled from your eyes
Into shimmering pools at your feet
And neither of us knew how to put it back
So you had to adjust to life on a new planet

But you were a star, meant to be in orbit
Meant to gleam in the cold vast outer space
You weren't supposed to end up here
Far away from the galaxies you love

You didn't last long under a hot summer sky
You longed for the cool darkness of space
You were meant to burn until you lit the night
But held to the surface by gravity, you burned out
Until only a glimmer of your bright sparkle lay on the ground

In your dreams you were gathering speed
Shooting into orbit
You were going home
I cradled you in my hands but you couldn't see me
But as you faded away, I saw a tiny glimpse
Of stardust

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Dove in the Rocks

I hear a call in the night
Speaking to me
So I open the window
I creep closer to the sound
Of a voice filled with fiery moonlight

And the world turns upside down
And rights itself
I blink as I see your face
I feel unsteady

You grab my hand and lead me
Into the pines
An owl calls through the forest
The little frogs chirp in the dark
The moon bursts from the clouds
And filters through the leaves

You pull me close and spin me around
I smile and laugh
Behind the waterfall we paint cave paintings
Yours say “I love you, I always have”
Suddenly I see you anew

But then their footsteps echo on the rocks
Their torches approach
Their voices are an ugly language
Their cruelty proceeds them

I am afraid but you hide me in the crack
And tell me that I am your dove in the rocks
Whom you waited a lifetime for
You whisper, “I’m not going anywhere”
Before you turn to face them

I Haven't the Smallest Clue

Sometimes there are
so many things inside,
and I haven't the smallest clue
of how to find them and let them out.

I cannot grasp
how to contain an entire ocean in a bottle,
or how to pour it out once I’ve captured it.

I’m filled with oceans that I want to set free,

in the form of ink,
but they gush out, soaking the paper,
smearing the letters,
or they refuse to flow.

No, I haven’t the smallest clue,

but as much as that frightens me,
maybe I'll find an artwork
among swirls of seawater ink.

The World Froze Overnight

The stars used to twinkle at me,
but it must be cloudy tonight,
because they are nowhere to be seen.
They winked out before I could take a second glance.


I was so sure the breeze wanted to blow over me,
whispering gently in my ears.
But without warning,
it turned savage,
pinning me to the ground.


And the sun’s warm rays tickled the top of my head,
but where did it go,
when the clouds burst over the horizon?
Racing like a herd of wild stallions;
trampling on my tired feet.


The forest sang a song to me and the trees beckoned me,
but a terrible storm wrecked those beautiful maples,
leaving me drowning in maple syrup;
so chilly and bittersweet.

I have been trying to melt it away,
but there is no cure.
So I accept this fact;
the outdoors has become cold toward me.

I start to shiver.

And when I finally see the frostbite on my fingertips,
icy realization strikes--

All the world froze overnight.

Dreams

This must be a dream because
I do not know
What I am thinking
Or where I’m going
What am I trying
What am I waiting for


Where am I swimming
I wonder through the night
Nothing feels quite the way it should
It seems like I’m missing something


I don’t understand myself
I don’t understand my heart
I don’t know how to find this
I am filled with questions in this dark night


I whisper into an empty space when I am alone,
Catch me the stars, cause they are far away
Throw me a lifeline
I’m afraid the stars will leave me
My hands are shaking when I speak
Please don’t let me fall alone
In a shower of wispy feathers


I am covered in dew and I am drawn into a cave
It’s so dark, look away, look away
I know I am digging holes with a spoon
This is not real
Give me the sky


I catch the sky in my hands but the wind rips it
Away from me and I can’t fly to follow it
I’m afraid I don’t have enough to keep it
Maybe I don’t think of the things I should
Maybe I’m not looking in the right places


Please answer me
My heart is calling to the wild hawk
Where are you
Find me in this nothingness
I veil every word I say
But I don’t want to—I want to be heard
Do you hear me, do you know I am calling


I watch the birds and they see me down here
But they don’t come down for me
Their songs romance the sky
But I can’t get my guitar in tune
My voice keeps breaking


I keep trying
Why don’t I get there
I never sing the right things
I always get hurt and fall down when I try to fly
I’m terrified
I’m running the wrong way
I trip again
My heart is pounding, mind is racing
The leaves are swaying overhead in the sunlight
I’m trying to touch the faces of the trees


I’m on the beach and the waves are leaving me behind
The tide is pouring away
I don’t understand the birds
They swoop and dive and call but
I don’t understand


I envy you
I do not know how to fly
I do not want to swim
Oh how I wish I knew this


So I stand in the night
I stand in the moonlight and wish
That I was what I want to be
Find me cause I’m in a forest of trees too tall
I have echoes in my brain


I’m falling and I’m hanging on the edge of a cliff
Bird’s nests all around, baby birds live here
Think I’m gonna fall off
Oh how I tremble, oh how weak I am
I am jealous of jealousy
I drop the rope again and again
I wanna let go of the roots but they wrap around my wrists
Is this prison
Why do beams of sunlight glance into my eyes
Why am I seeing blind


I am at war inside
I feel my ribcage and I think it is cracking
Let it out, let it out
I wanna go and never come back
Oh, I wanna leave
I can’t figure it out
Unsettled feeling, tired eyes
Tired from watching my thoughts float by


I don’t know what’s wrong
Fog chases me and I cannot get away from it
I lie down and my thoughts won’t stop
Chasing around and around
I am sure something is wrong
What did I do, what did I say
Was it enough
What did I do, how did I end up here
I wanna be a bird


My dreams are reflections of insanity
I wake up cold and shivering
I pull the covers
There’s an island out there somewhere
I gotta find it in the fog
This isn’t right
I say all the wrong things
I don’t make sense
I pick feathers out of the sand


I imagine
It’s not enough
I always think I’ll scare you off
You wild, wild gentle creature of the sky
Again and again
Slipping away, drifting away on the sea
Hiding


This dream is swallowing me
I’m just trying to get out of this dream
I don’t want this surreal reality
Dreams don’t make sense
I don’t make sense
Feathers floating past, white

Suddenly I see butterflies
Fluttering around me
They're dancing
Is it a dream or is it real
I try to touch them


I feel so lost in vague unreality
This dream is endless
I am exhausted, I am melting into a cloud
Lend me your wings so I can fly out
Grab my hand
Hold tight so I can sleep