Friday, December 9, 2016

Your True Mirror

"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion." ~Brennan Manning

I want to tell you something. I want you to know that if anyone's actions have ever made you feel that something is lacking in you, it is not a reflection of you. It is not your true mirror, for if you look into it and see yourself as someone who is not lovable or worthy of love, or a failure, or anything less than amazing, then the image you are seeing is distorted and not a true reflection of your real self.

Feelings of not being worthy of love... that there is something lacking... that you must do something to earn worth and love... they are lies. If someone has not had the love of God in their hearts toward you, the words that their actions spoke to you cannot be true. Please do not believe them. No word or deed can ever change the true reflection of you, which is the one in God's mirror. He gave everything in order to get you back, set you free, know you. No price was too great. Not even death. Think of what that says about you; about your value, your pricelessness! You were and are worth it.

The true reflection of yourself, found in the mirror held by the God who loves you so much, says that you are lovable and worthy and adored and just right, with nothing lacking, that you are a treasure! This reflection does not change depending on what you do or do not do, nor on what others do or do not do toward you, because there is no way you or anyone else can possibly do anything to alter who the God who created galaxies made you to be. It's impossible. It would be kind of like taking a horse and spray painting it black and white, and saying that it is now a zebra. That wouldn't make it a zebra, and no one who knew horses would believe it was a zebra. Absolutely nothing can make a horse anything else than a horse. It's not the best comparison, but what I'm attempting to say is that, similarly, absolutely nothing can make you anything else than the valuable, amazing person that you are. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Thoughts on beautiful imperfection and realness

I long for more of something. More, and more of intangible things that haven’t yet crystallized in my mind... I know there is more to people than the surface laughter, smiles, or tears. There is more than the scratches on the surface, and more than talk that doesn’t probe very deep.
There are walls we have shielding our hearts from hurt, or awkwardness, or misunderstanding. And we hold back that which is essential to share. We are a race of beings who are surrounded by millions, yet often we are alone. We hold ourselves within ourselves, afraid to smile at strangers, afraid to open our hearts even to those closest to us and probe the depths of each other’s souls. We look into our friends' eyes and see unspoken words there, but we do not speak. We mention the weather, we laugh at jokes, we talk about our pasts, but we carefully guard our words, we do not dare throw wide the doors and talk with sheer, raw, trembling vulnerability.
Why do we tread lightly when we could break down walls? Why do we dip our toes in the shallows when we could swim into the deep, deep,  hearts of each other, incredibly beautiful in imperfection? Why do we fear to present our most hidden selves to another person?
We are afraid, all of us... Whether subconsciously or consciously, it resides in there somewhere, and it closes around us and squeezes just tightly enough that we are afraid to let go. For myself, I fear misunderstandings and saying the wrong words; I fear the moments after a conversation when you regret every word you said and you wish you could take it all back; I fear the vulnerability of presenting my heart completely bare, unshielded and unfeigned. I fear to speak of the things that really matter… but they do. And I think it would be glorious if we all spoke of what scares us. If it scares us, it’s real.
Let’s not talk about fluff, let’s pour out realness and cry and laugh and whisper and let’s misunderstand each other and understand each other and stumble over our words sometimes. Let’s talk about fears, insecurities, anxieties, dreams, hopes, desires, faith, light and dark, and then all over again. Again and again until we’ve wandered through the forests of each other’s hearts so many times that we know each trail like it is our own. Let’s not hide the beautiful sunrises, or the breathtaking wildness in us. And let’s not hide the brambles and thorns and ditches in the pathway from each other, either. Allow me to tell you how selfishly I longed for what was not mine, or how I planned to manipulate, and how afterward, I ached to think of how I acted… let me expose my worst and most frightened side to you, because I am so, so weary of hiding.
But not only the worst side... then after I’ve exposed the mess within, let me tell you what I’ve learned from it, and how God changed my heart and how I know there’s more to me than that. Let me share the peace, as well, in the midst of the storm I feel. How I have these recurring fears that grab hold sometimes and won’t let go, but let me also tell you how I’m being freed from them, even though I don’t quite feel it yet. And let yourself do the same; let us expose the things we’d rather hide, revealing to each other those hard-to-speak of, scary things… but not only the hard things, but the hope that also rests in your heart. And not see each other as any less amazing than before.
Think how encouragement could be passed on, if we spoke of the messy stuff, and then spoke of the faith we have in the midst of our struggles, think how we could uplift and encourage because we all have gone through the same sort of things. And let us mess up and fail sometimes, and apologize and forgive and grow closer because there is something so ineffably, indescribably beautiful in hearts grown close. And not just close when words come easily, and feelings are pleasant, but especially when words must be dragged from trembling throats and maybe I am annoyingly repetitive because we already talked about something but it hasn’t come to rest in my mind yet and I bring it up again. Or maybe you say something that hurts me… but oh how much I would rather know the deepest corners of your mind and heart and soul and for you to know mine, with all the complications and scariness that comes sometimes, than to be safe and surface-level.
Let’s speak without fear of rejection or consequence. Let’s talk about anything and everything; about that thought you woke up with last night at 1 am; about how I told you something I thought you didn’t understand, and how I worried about it for a while, before I turned loose of it--and let me tell you how I discovered more of God in the process--tell me about how you felt that day when your best friend turned their back on you--and how you feel about it now--about dreams that don’t make sense, and pieces of fragmented thoughts with no pressure to finish them or make sense, about memories that don’t make sense to you. Let me tell you about the time I felt helpless and lost and how God picked me up. Tell me your fears and struggles, and then tell me your hopes and trusts.
Let us gently peel back the layers, the dimensions of our hearts; let us gaze upon the perfect imperfect imperfection-perfection that we are, all the way through, the real humanness of us, and love without wavering, without fear. Let us see each other through eyes enchanted by God’s love. There is something wonderful about sharing, with raw honesty, your struggles and fears.
But not only the struggles… also, just think--there is also great encouragement in sharing the hope we have in the midst of our struggle. We can pour out our fears and struggles, and then speak hope and faith as well. I want to spill the raw me, and for you to spill the raw you, but I also know there is more in us than the messy things; there is also hope and faith, and to share the hope with the fear is a wonderful thing, encouraging to us both.
Sometimes we cannot help but fall apart, and we do not see the hope, and in those times one is there for the other; I can speak hope when you have none. But what I mean to say, is, let us share both uncertainty and certainty, both fear and confidence, both despair and hope, because there is more than one side to the struggles. There is always hope. I want to share my fears, but I also want to share the hope I know is true, even when I don’t feel it; because I don’t believe that rawness is made wholly of the darker things, of the painful things, of the messy things, because light lives in us. And it is real.
The sharing of our messiness, our humanness, can be a healing thing, when we do not forget to infuse it with faith, hope, and truth, because then, when we probe deep into each others hearts, we can then rise up empowered; we come out of the conversation with not just a deeper knowing of each other, but also a deeper hope, perhaps. And perhaps, sometimes, not… but let us explore all that we hold inside, the fears as well as the hopes.
And yet, as I write this, I’m still afraid, on one level. But I’m tired of tiny pools and I want oceans, wide, deep, and stormy as well as gorgeous, glittering, and peaceful. I have thought many times about this, and it’s always here, in the back of my mind, marinating. But I’m seeking something great and glorious, and it is to know the God whose love is mindblowing, whose tenderness transcends everything else. I want to know the depths of Him, and there, I feel, is where fear melts away. It is a wonderful journey, a road that I am traveling down, sometimes running, sometimes falling, but always being lifted back up. And it’s love that crushes fear… I believe when we know Love, we can give love, and that is where we find the capacity to be achingly vulnerable, and unfailingly accepting, and unbroken by what might have once hurt us.
We all want to connect, deeply… it is a longing that burns within human souls, and I believe with all my heart that the desire lies within us because we were created for it. We were meant to know each other, but we were, ultimately, meant to know Him who died in order that we could know Him. Therein lies the greatest fulfillment we could ever imagine. And, when we do, then I believe we also learn to know each other more deeply.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

if you asked her

where she would go 
if right now
she could be anywhere in the world
then she would tell you
it wouldn't be to a place
but to a person

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Princess Behind the Mask

You wore an iron mask
You could not see
What lay underneath

It had been so long
Since you had seen your own face
That you did not know
Who you were anymore

You were the woman behind the mask
But you didn't know you were more than that
For the mask told lies

When you looked into the mirror
You saw a stranger's eyes
Staring back at you
Through the holes that allowed you to see

Little did you know, lost one
Not far away rode a warrior king
Whose heart beat for you
You did not yet know he existed

But it's you he wanted
Only you
He always had and always will

He charged for the castle
It didn't matter what it took to free you
And he traded his life for yours
With his dying breath he removed your mask
So you saw the truth

The woman behind the mask 
Was, all along, the princess of the kingdom
And when you realized who you were
You took up your sword

You became a warrior 

Friday, November 4, 2016

Favorite

The stars of the night sky are amazing
Rivers are incredible
And mountains are magnificent

But God did not give it all to draw the stars close
He does not pursue the rivers with furious affection
The mountains are not His fondest delight
But you are

I could hang wishes from every star
But I would rather hang out with you under the stars

I could walk by the river and hear it laughing to itself
But I would rather walk and laugh with you

And I could know the mountains by heart
But I would far, far, rather know you by heart

You are more amazing than the vastest span of night stars
More incredible than the wildest rivers
More magnificent than the highest mountains
You are worth more than all of these things combined

Out of them all
You are His favorite
And you are my favorite, too

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Invisible Box

She was bound up inside
With walls around her heart
And pressures building slowly
Inside the box she was trapped in

She thought it was normal
She thought that was how she would be forever
But that wasn't how she was meant to be

People compared her to many things
To roses, for she was delicate and beautiful
To a wild horse, for her soul strained against the bonds
To a storm, because she was as unpredictable as a hurricane

But no one told her that
Roses aren't meant to be crushed under foot
Delicate petals are meant to bloom, not die

Mustangs aren't supposed to be confined
They were born to run free in the wind

And storms can't be controlled
The rain can't be bottled up
The lightning can't be stopped from flashing
And thunder can't be tamed

But one night she had a dream
And a voice whispered that she was freer than a wild horse
Braver than a wild rose
And stronger than the storm winds

She woke up 
And when she opened her eyes
She found the bonds lying broken around her
She saw the walls shattered and crumbled
The pressure had vanished like a wisp of smoke
And the box she had existed in was invisible

As it had been all along


Saturday, October 1, 2016

Adores You

When the wind rises you run outside
As the clouds fall out of the sky
You spin around and around
Arms outstretched and fingers wide
Head flung back, face to the heavens
You dance in the rain

The thunder is shouting for joy
The sky cries tears of joy
It kisses your face with raindrops
The mist swirls around you
Wrapping you in a hug 

The trees sway along
The rushing river sings to you
The lightning flashes to silhouette you
The storm dances with you

You laugh for joy and the Creator of it all
Is laughing with you
The sky's kisses are His to you
The hug of the mist is His hug to you
He dances with you

And the shout of the thunder is His call
It echoes for miles and miles
Until all the creation hears
In the whirlwind:
He absolutely adores you

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Stardust 2

Another stardust poem... xD It's kind of a sequel to my other one: http://unfetteredimaginings.blogspot.com/2016/02/stardust.html


Can stardust be contained forever?
Can you hide it in yourself
Wondering if it will spill out
And dance everywhere?

I have stardust in me yet again
And it begs to sparkle into the night sky
It's trying to escape
It pushes against my ribcage with every breath
And almost lifts me off my feet

I don't want to visit empty planets
Now that I've seen the stars
I'm captivated by stardust
And starlight

I am full of mist and dust
And I want to whisper
And let the stardust float
Out through my eyes
Where the stars are reflected

But I look down and close my eyes
Because you just can't drink starlight 
Unless someone hands you a glass and
Pours some into it

I want to reach up into space
To touch the stars
With the tip of my finger
And see if they come falling down to me

But instead I just look at them 
Through a borrowed telescope
And I don't tell the stars 
That I have stardust in my eyes

If they knew
I wonder 
Would they want it back?
Or would they fall in glimmering arcs
And float gently down to earth?

I'm starting to think I fell out of space
Just so I could stare up at night
And see the stars spanning the sky
But all the same

Whenever I gaze at the stars
They're too amazing to comprehend 
I could never find my way among them all
Even if I had a thousand years
And looking up I know I am hopelessly lost


Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Writing Yours

In the dark of night 
When the wind was high
You felt like you were drowning...

Not in floods of water
But floods of confusion
And hurt 
I heard you whispering, why
Wondering, why
Did I even try?

Oh don't fall
Don't fall apart
You're not cracked glass
You're not a shattered mirror
You're not a broken vase
No
You are whole

If you look at yourself
Through fractured sunglasses
Of course you'll think you're cracked
Rip them off
Throw them out the window

I can't tell you yet
Everything I am writing
On your pages
But I will tell you this
I don't write stories
That end in spilled ink
I don't write stories that don't have
Happy endings

Don't cry
Your story is not over yet
I haven't written the ending yet
Things aren't falling to pieces
No, things are falling together
Up is down and down is up
I know your destiny
I promise you'll get your gravity back

Just wait a little while
When the new day dawns
You will open your eyes
And read the next chapter 
Of the story I am writing

You're not drowning in the night
No, you are rising
Above the fog and
You see what I have written
For you
And it's better
Than you ever imagined

Fly eagle, glide and soar
Your strength is new again
So rise into the fiery dawn
Into the sun
Because I'm writing your destiny
And I promise you...

It's epic
It's magnificent
And as you lift above the mist
You see clearly
And realize that at long last
Dreams have collided with reality

And with each day that stretches 
Into the unknown
You'll see quite vividly
With breathless wonder
The strokes of my pen

Fairytales do come true
And I am writing yours


Monday, September 5, 2016

Amadeus et Barloc

An allegory of Mark 5:1-20

Once there was a lonely place, out in the wilderness. The rocky mountainside was scarred with caverns and tombs. Inside were written thousands of inscriptions, written in blood and scraped into the rock with the end of a broken chain.

The people of the village at the foot of the mountain locked their doors at night and kept their children close. For in the place of the dead was a Beast that wandered among the tombs. Everyone knew of it. Some of the bravest men of the village had many times gone up on the mountain in the dark of night, bearing flaming torches and carrying swords, spears, and chains.

They had backed the Beast into a corner and flung the chains around it. But every time it had broken them all with one wrench of its beastly shoulders and chased them, foaming at the mouth, down the mountainside. Then it ran back up into the hills and into the tombs and howled with screams that sounded like someone in agony.

No one dared go near the creature. Everyone loathed it.

But no one saw the tears that ran dark from the corners of the Beast’s sunken eyes. No one felt the agony that dug into its heart with cruel claws. No one felt the pressure building within its skull, the clutch of something that squeezed its mind until it went frantic, bashing its head against the stones and tearing its fur. It lurched deeper into the caverns. Through the night it did not cease to pace and howl in agony.

It stumbled out into the moonlight, clutching its head. It couldn’t think. It had no control over its own mind. It was, as far as it knew, only a beast. It rushed to the cliff’s edge and threw itself into the sea, not knowing what it was doing. It only had a dim sense, somewhere in a distant, barely functioning part of its animal brain, that it wanted to die.

But when the Beast splashed into the sea, the waters did not embrace it, but the waves flung it back up on the beach. It could not die the death that would free it from the horror.

The Beast did not know who it was. It did not know where it came from. It only knew that it was despicable, a beast, an animal, and it hated itself with a hatred so fierce it made its head throb. The Beast’s claws began to twitch. It stared at its paws and clenched them, but an urge began to build in it, the urge to maim the horrid thing that it was. The Beast’s body went rigid. It opened its fanged mouth and screamed, clenching its fists harder and harder, but it could not withstand the compulsive urge.

Of a sudden, the Beast flung open its claws and began to slash and tear at its body, the sharp curved claws making the outside of him look like the inside of him felt. The Beast’s screams were despairing and when it was over it climbed the hill and vanished into the tombs, the broken chains rattling behind it. It grasped a broken end and scraped at the walls, trying to write how it felt, but it could not form words. Tears of pain and despair welled in its deadened eyes. It roared and fell to the floor.

This was the hell the Beast had lived in for years. Every day was the same. There seemed to be no hope.

The Beast lay in a semi-conscious state off and on through the night. Morning dawned; through its dull vision there seemed to be a lightening of the darkness. It stumbled to the entrance of the tomb and stared out. The Beast’s vision was dim and blurry. It could not see beauty, but only darkness and ugliness. The flowers and plants looked like hideous caricatures and there was no beauty in the rocks around it. It only saw instruments of torture. And to it, the air smelled of rottenness and death.

There was a boat coming in to the harbor. The Beast only noticed it because it seemed to glow like nothing else, piercing the dark fog it lived in. It peered closer. A figure stepped from the boat. The Beast knew at once who this was.

The King.

The Beast’s giant body began to shake and shudder as animal fear filled it at the sight. It had never seen anyone like this. A sense of a power came rushing over it, a power the Beast’s wild and deranged strength could not even come close to. Everything in it wanted to run blindly and never stop, but its fear was too great. Somehow the Beast knew it could not escape. Shaking, it rushed down the slope toward the figures.

The Beast did not even look at the others, dim in its vision as they shrank back behind the glowing one. It hurled itself to the ground, roaring in fear in a guttural voice, “What have I done, O King? I beg you, do not torture me!” The creature writhed in fear and torment.

It sensed the King kneeling slowly beside it; the Beast heard the rustle of fabric. Its head jerked up. The sunken eyes stared into warm eyes filled with tears. “Oh my son,” the King said softly. “What is your name?”

“I am the Beast. I am nothing but a beast,” it spat in self-loathing. It lifted its claws to tear at itself, but the King grasped both paws in strong hands and lifted the Beast to its feet. It could not tear its gaze away from the King’s eyes. The King looked at it like no one ever had. It did not understand this look. It was as foreign to the Beast as sanity.

The King’s gentle hand touched the Beast’s scarred and bloodied head. The Beast closed its eyes and trembled. “You are not the Beast,” the King said in a voice of power. “Your name is Amadeus, the love of God, for you are the love of God. And you will become a warrior of hope to many.”

And as the King spoke, the Beast’s body began to divide.

It was as if the body of a man, scarred and hairy, emerged from the empty shell of the Beast’s body. Hair began to regrow on the man, Amadeus’s, head, even as the hair on the rest of his body began to fall out and his limbs began to change in size and shape to that of a man.

The body of the Beast fell to the ground, weak and shriveled looking, as Amadeus took shape. The Beast’s voice was empty and hollow with terror, “Please don’t send me away! Let me devour those pigs over there, I beg you.”

The King looked at the massive group of pigs rooting in the dirt at the top of the cliff. “Go,” he said.

The Beast rose and then it went roaring and howling down the hill into the herd of pigs, its claws outstretched. The pigs began to squeal in terror, and went rushing down the hill in a violent stampede and plunged off the cliff and hurtled into the sea. A mighty wave curled over them and washed them all under, including the Beast.

The herders who had been caring for the pigs gaped, stared in wordless amazement and fear, then turned and ran as fast as they could down the hill into the village, shouting at the tops of their voices.

Amadeus stared, weak and shaken. Even though his body was now no longer hidden within the Beast’s body, the horrendous scars still twisted over his body and his eyes were still dull and unfocussed. He lost his balance and began to fall.

But the King caught him in his arms and held him close, cradling Amadeus’s head against his chest, rocking him back and forth. Amadeus was rigid and stiff but he did not pull away.

The King bent his head near Amadeus’s ear and began to whisper to him, words, strange words he did not understand at first, but as the King continued to speak, the words gradually began to possess meaning to him. They were words of comfort, words of love, words of acceptance. Compassion such as he had never known. The King's words, his loving embrace, pierced straight into Amadeus's heart, into his very soul.

He began, not to howl, but to cry, his voice a man’s voice, breaking. His cries turned into shaking sobs. The King held him closer, whispering his name, “Amadeus, Amadeus.”

Something changed inside Amadeus. It was as if his heart burst open and something like a soothing river flowed through, washing away all the hurt and agony that had chained him for so many years. His eyes cleared—and widened.

All around him, the world seemed to burst into rainbows of color, of beauty. The caricatures of ugliness turned into wild roses, covering the mountainside in explosions of pink and red and yellow. He suddenly realized that the air was not foul-smelling, but filled with the scent of roses and spring grasses. He heard the calling of the seagulls and the twittering of tiny birds. The sun broke over the top of the mountain and rays of light flooded everywhere. His eyes were dazzled by the beauty. His senses were quivering with the smells and sensations. So this was what living was like. And suddenly he remembered what his life had been like, before all the pain had entered it.

His tears were tears of relief, tears of unbound joy. He threw his head back and began to laugh even as he cried. Suddenly he threw his arms around the King and put his head on his shoulder. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

The King looked into his eyes, smiling. “You are free, beloved.”

Amadeus looked down at his body. Every scar had vanished.

The King’s friends brought new, clean clothes, and Amadeus put them on. He sat at the King’s feet and the King laid his hand on his shoulder and talked to him for a long while, speaking of many things that made Amadeus feel like his heart would burst anew. His heart was pounding with the wonder of it all. For the first time in his life, he felt truly, really, loved. He had never known what it felt like.

The people from the village came flocking up the hill, open-mouthed, gaping, frightened of the powerful thing that had happened here today. They stood warily at a safe distance and begged the King to leave, before he drove off their cows as well.

The King stood, helping Amadeus up. “I will go.”

Amadeus gripped his hand. He did not want to be parted from the King, ever. He did not want to leave the one who had given him back his life, who in a few moments had made him feel more alive than he had ever felt. “Please let me go with you,” he begged.

The King placed both hands on Amadeus’s shoulders. “No, dear one. Go home, to your friends and family. They are waiting for you. Go and tell them what has happened to you, of the love that has been shown you.”

Amadeus nodded. In truth, he longed to do so. “I will,” he said. He wanted to jump and run and shout to the entire world what had happened to him.

The King hugged him tightly, and then let him go.

Amadeus, a new man, turned and went. He was not a beast, he had never been a beast. He was the love of God. There was an unmistakable bounce in his step. At the crest of the hill, he paused and looked back, the rays of the rising sun silhouetting him in brilliance. His face was wreathed in smiles, as was the King’s. Amadeus lifted his hand in a wave, then stepped over the top of the hill, vanishing into the bright radiance of the sun.

In the weeks that followed, he told nearly everyone in the surrounding areas his whole story. “He looked at the Beast,” Amadeus said, in a voice trembling with joy and wonder, “and saw not the Beast! He saw me, Amadeus, within.”

People were amazed, in awe. They had all heard the stories of the Beast, but now the Beast was no more. In its place was a man so alive, so filled with joy and passion that if they had not seen him in his past state, they would not have believed him to be the same person.

He became known as Amadeus et Barloc, Barloc meaning “strong warrior filled with love and hope”. And wherever he went, he infused people with the love and hope that flowed uncontrollably from him like an overflowing river. 


Sunday, August 28, 2016

Storm of Your Love

When I'm feeling trapped
Let Your love burn through
The fear
Dry my tears

I know I am not this
This is not me
Remind me I am not afraid
Remind me I am Yours
Forever and ever

Love, just love
Is what sets me free
Besiege the castle
Send the walls crashing down
Down down down
Out of the dust and the ashes
I will rise a soldier
For Your kingdom

Wrap me in Your arms of love
You swoop down
When I cry out to You
The earth shakes
Whe foundations of the sea
Are laid raw and bare
In a fury, in the rage of
The storm of Your love


Sunday, August 14, 2016

Caught in the Lyrics

This song is not trapped in my head
no I am trapped inside the song
it holds me captive at midnight
and still won’t let me go at dawn

I love the tune
I adore the lines
I’ve watched the music video
a hundred and three times
words trickle through my mind

The song is mine as I hum all day
until night the song belongs to me
but after sunset
I belong to the song

I’m a prisoner to the enchanting melody
as it twines through my restless mind
I’m held captive by trailing strands of
frayed lyrics

My sighs match the beat
as the night drags on
I can’t sleep
I memorize all but the the last two lines
in the long hours before dawn

I am caught in the lyrics
and when I finally fall asleep
my dreams whisper-sing
with the captivating inflection
of the unrelenting tune

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Touching Air

You're under the deep
In the depths of the sea
Jellyfish touch your tail
Unstung you float through the seaweed 

Mermaid hair flows
Around your shoulders
And you fade through empty wrecks
Of ancient ships

Saltwater skin
Seawater lungs
Fingers try to catch the bubbles
The sun wavers through the water

You try to reach the surface
But shadows push you down again

The sailboats glide over your head
You fade deeper 
Pushing water like we 
Push againsnt the wind

Lonliness lives deep inside you
Heartbeat pulsing, longing
For what lies above the sea
You watch the shadow of a shark glide
Flicker past your underwater cave

Glimmer shimmer glide and sway
The ocean clings to you like a cape
But you shake starfish out of your hair

One trembling finger breaks the surface
Sea-blue eyes widen as
For the first time, you touch...
Air

Friday, August 12, 2016

Metal-Plated Dreams

Purple peanut butter jellyfish chase
Chocolate-covered lima beans
And tree frogs dance on a furry stage
While cactus unicorns
Run from lifelike artichoke

If you plunge into a lemon-flavored
Sea of grass
Don't try to catch 
The eagle-feathered fish

Ostrich juice flows through valleys 

Of summer wintertime
Careful, don't dip your toes in
'Cause rivers have high fevers

I wear a fizzy cape as I rescue
Baby army ants
From a deadly battle
Against exotic coffee cups

I know this makes no sense
But trust me because I know this:
Wrought-iron badgers
Sometimes come alive at night

Before you fall asleep tonight
Buckle on your gold-detecting socks
Because if you're not careful you may
Catch a metal-plated virus

The dreams you'll have are quite bizarre
You'll fly with backpack wings
To a land of strangest things
Don't ask me why

You'll understand it all
Once you've heard the liquid band
Strum songs on old
Crayon-stringed guitars

When I crash land in reality once more
I'll make sure to let you know
But until then I'll wander through
The cotton candy-cane hallways
Of metal-plated dreams

Saturday, July 23, 2016

By Heart

You are the One who knows
everything about me
You are the One who truly
sees me as I was meant to be
You give me breath
You are the air I
breathe

I was the princess
trapped in the tower
You were the knight who fought
and died
to free me

And lived again so I could
know You

You know me like no one else
You know every thread
of the fabric of my soul

You have me memorized
every detail
You feel every beat
of my heart

You gently hold me
in Your hand
and You know me
by heart

No one else’s eyes have ever
looked into mine
the way Yours do
everlasting tenderness
Your smile never fades

There’s not a thing I could
ever hide from You
and not a thing I would
ever want to

You know me by heart
and You want
for me to know You
by heart too

I want to know You by heart
I want to know Your heart
to the depths
that You know mine

I hear You calling me in the night
our hearts are meeting
I run to You
You hold me close
I want to see You
I want to know You, I want to know You

By heart


Friday, July 22, 2016

Worth Everything

When she was little
she wore pink sparkly dresses
and sang at the top of her lungs
and danced
and hoped someone would notice.

But no one did.

No one watched her twirl
No one smiled and swooped her up
And told her she was a princess
told her she was daddy’s little girl
told her how beautiful she was.

No one showed her every day
how much she was worth
how precious she was
and she didn’t feel like daddy’s little girl.

When she got older
she stopped singing
she stopped wearing sparkly dresses
instead she wore makeup.

She stopped hoping she’d be daddy’s girl.

She couldn’t hide her confusion
behind a mask of foundation.

Her eyeliner didn’t keep anyone from seeing
the pain lingering in her eyes.

She still didn’t feel beautiful
when she looked in the mirror
she saw brokenness, not beauty.

She didn’t know how valuable she was
and she went after all the boys
because she was desperate
to know she mattered to someone
to anyone
but they didn’t know her worth either
or their own.

They needed her to be what they needed
something she could never be
and they could never be what she needed either
so one by one they broke her heart.

If you looked hard enough
you’d see the shattered pieces
reflected in her gaze
And she still didn’t know
she was beautiful.

If you tell her she is lovely
she will give you that sad smile
and say nothing
but her eyes give her away.

She doesn’t believe you
because you are only one positive voice
that doesn’t stand against the tide
of negative voices
that have lied her whole life
and crushed her soul.

She’s an empty shell
needing something to fill her
but she can’t find it anywhere.

She comes home nights
and cries
until she finally falls asleep.

She wishes she could
change herself
to be valuable
and beautiful.

Little does she know
she already is
that she is worth
everything.

Friday, July 15, 2016

What You Want

I wasn’t even looking
But now I see a jewel
Right here in front of me
Shining like a star
Among all the other stones
This one stands out so brightly

Everything I’d hoped for someday
Right here before my eyes
But I whisper a prayer
Father my heart is in chaos
And I want to keep this one
But I want what You want
Your will not mine

Even though my heart longs
Sometimes the tears fall
I know You’re holding me tight
Nothing else compares at all
I put You first and wait
For what You’ll reveal in time

Even though my heart hopes
Father Yours are amazing plans
Whatever my future holds
I will trust Your love
Maybe my hope is Your plan
But no matter what I trust You

Even though sometimes I’m afraid
I know You hold my heart in your palms
And I want what You want
I want Your good plans
Whatever they are


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Winter's Banishment

Winter crouches over our now barren land
The great trees are weighed with snow
The world is frozen in time
Life's ebb and flow has grown feeble

The clouds swirl over the horizion

As if trying to make up their mind
Whether they should stay
Or leave this empty place
Where nothing lives anymore

The stars are far away specks

The moon is hidden in the night's depths
Snowflakes float and touch the ice
But the seeming peace is deceptive

At first the frozen tensions are not apparent

At first it is impossible to know that our hearts
Are trying to come back to life
Winter has frozen everything

But then you see how the shining ice creaks and cracks

Crying to be released
And under the glittering snow the trees groan 
And bend until they almost snap
Begging to be unburdoned
The wind sings high notes around the mountains
But it is sobbing

Let the winter be over

Bring the dawn of freedom
From the ice that holds us captive
Melt the winter away

The night lingers long

But morning comes
Like a ghost at first, creeping near in paleness
Then the windsong changes to joyful chimes
And then the sunlight bursts forth, parting the clouds
The glorious sun rides the wind
Pink and gold glow into the entire land

The snow begins to melt

Sliding from the trees
They stand upright, reaching for the sunlight
The ice slowly turns liquid 
Until the water ripples clear and blue

And the wind loses its bite

Warm and soft, it ruffles the grass and waves the leaves
The mountains seem to smile
Birds sing in chorus from the forest

Life that was once frozen under winter's iron hand

Has been released
Winter has been banished forever
And every single heart now beats strong again